Below are a number of chat logs I recorded recently in Religion chat. If you are offended by the idea of heaven being a strip-bar please turn away now.

dahousecat: hello
dahousecat: why
dahousecat: u there
god_despises_me: hello
dahousecat: My Name Is Felix from Ghana and you,plz ???
god_despises_me: my name is terry and i am from australia.
dahousecat: why are you saying God Despises you
god_despises_me: he does i can tell. he destroys my room nightly with hurricanes. he sends plagues to me constantly
god_despises_me: i am cursed.
dahousecat: Oh don’t Say that
dahousecat: you are not
dahousecat: God Almighty have his Own ways of Doing things
god_despises_me: yes i know, he pushed my beloved cat under a lorry. that cat was very wise, it knew how to cross roads. and then one day. splat. i cant take it anymore.
dahousecat: May be if that did nopt come you would have Die what About that
god_despises_me: i don’t know. i feel like dying now. some young hooligans set fire to my barn last night too. i don’t know why, its relentless. its either god or the hoodlums, constantly trying to urinate over my life
god_despises_me: i don’t know what to do, my faith is waning like sour cheese.
dahousecat: I know God will do it
dahousecat: please be Patient with God Ok
god_despises_me: he isn’t patient with me though. he is quite like robert mugabe with me.
dahousecat: I have to go for now see you some Other Time Ok
god_despises_me: bye

hamshank_pie appeals against my declaration that i am god in the main chat room

hamshank_pie: no u aint
i_hate_god: i think i am.
i_hate_god: i can’t be certain of course.
hamshank_pie: well u aint
i_hate_god: how do you know?
hamshank_pie: well i am a christian and the bible says there is only 1 god
i_hate_god: what about jesus? isn’t that two god’s?
i_hate_god: GOD THE father and god the son and god the breath
i_hate_god: thats 3
i_hate_god: well i am god number 4.
hamshank_pie: no there is only 1 and theres only an heaven and a hell okay
i_hate_god: there is also a hotel you can go to when you die.
i_hate_god: they serve pretty nice cocktails
hamshank_pie: no there aint u go 2 heaven or hell
i_hate_god: that is your opinion, you are misguided.
hamshank_pie: no god my savior guides me
i_hate_god: come to god number 4, he will promise you high grade cocktails after death
i_hate_god: do you like vodka?
hamshank_pie: no i wont follow u and i dont drink i am only 18 baby and i have blonde hIR BLUE EYES ok
i_hate_god: righto, you might find salvation one day. i bid you good luck.
hamshank_pie: Madonna: Who’s that girl?
hamshank_pie: sorry
hamshank_pie: wht ever
i_hate_god: yes indeedums
i_hate_god: do you play golf?
hamshank_pie: wht
hamshank_pie: no
i_hate_god: you should. it would suit you
hamshank_pie: i play softball
i_hate_god: that is the sport of satan. that is why i like it.
hamshank_pie: no it aint
i_hate_god: yes it is the bat symbolises the evil part of the man and the ball symbolises the perfect soul of the girl and well, its an appalling guesture.
i_hate_god: and all this talk of stealing bases makes me wanna throw up.
hamshank_pie: bye u need god and u need help bye
i_hate_god: let me be with you child.
i_hate_god: for i am god number 4.
hamshank_pie: bye