I do not condone use of the ouijaboard, particularly if you are drinking low grade vodka at the time. I recommend playing something more wholesome like Scrabble or Hungry Hungry Hippos.

I have spoken to an entity who refers to himself as God on multiple occassions through the witch board. During each session I transcribe the conversation and then if I feel like it I put it up here.

12th November 2005

Me : Hello, God?
Spirit : Alright sonny boy?
Me : Your angel did not come tonight. You are full of shat.
Spirit : Full of shat, Am I?
Me : Well duh……… I mean you wrote the Bible, have you actually read it?
Spirit : What sort of question is that, my child?
Me : For a God, you are a little slow on the uptake aren’t you
Spirit : That is because I am not God.
Me : Then who are you?
Spirit : Have a guess!
Me : Look I am not here to play games tell me!
Spirit : Are you telling me that this is not a game?
Me : Ha……very clever. Seriously then, who are you.
Spirit : I am your father.
Me : Nice try, dad. I’ve gotta go.
Spirit : No wait, I really am God.
Me : Well if you really are God, you are rather lame. Do you understand why I think that?
Spirit : Yes I do, but son! You must understand you only think that because you live in Sin.
Me : Aye! Well this sinner is off to eat………

10th November 2005

Me : Anyone there?
Spirit : Yes.
Me : Who are you?
Spirit : Wouldn’t you like to know.
Me : Yes I would, thats why I asked you in the first place.
Spirit : If you must know I am your creator.

Me : Yes, yes of course you are.
Spirit : Do I detect sarcasm?
Me : You are God, you tell me.

Spirit : Ok, this is getting a bit too much like Conversations With God. Lets change direction.
Me : Ok GOD

Spirit : Look son, its about time you changed your underwear. You’ve been wearing those stripey numbers for the last week.
Me : Oh dear Jesus
Spirit : What has Jesus got to do with this. Nothing. I’m talking about your underpants. They stink. Put them in the god damn wash.
Me : That was just lucky. Almost everyone who uses the ouijaboard these days is a hippy and doesn’t wash.
Me : If you really are God prove it.
Spirit : Ok, but not now. I will prove it to you in your sleep tonight. I will send an angel.
Me : No, don’t bother. Let me know now.
Spirit : It’s too late. There is one on its way.
Me : Look I told you no. Call it off.
Spirit : Bye.