So why do i dislike some Christian’s idea of God? There are a number of reasons. I will put them in bullets for starters.

• Christian’s take themselves and their religion too seriously. Inerrant Bible? Yes of course!! Let’s blank out the numerous translations and deliberate alterations over the last couple of millenia. Let’s blank out the very nature of language and the grave possiblity for miscommunication. Trust in God! He shall led you astray from common sense!

• Satan is a terrible name for God’s adversary. Why couldn’t he have been called King of the Lambchops? Or Perciville VI? I mean honestly! Satan is one letter off being Satin! Satin is coming for you! Wowowowow! I so scared!!! Please don’t…..Etc

• Jesus was really one of us. Yes of course he was. Just one of the lads down the pub. I was talking to my friend Harry down at the bar the other night and he was mentioning how his parents never shagged and yet his mother fell pregnant. He went on for ages like! He was saying how he only talked to his real dad through prayer. You get the point. Jesus was quite the alien. And to follow in his footsteps is like a dog trying to walk upright in a pair of tight clogs for a week.

• Leviticus is piss, whichever way you look at it.

• God is a really, really poor name for a god. I mean there are a pleuthora of examples all throughout the Bible of really substandard names. The aforementioned Satan, Adam, Eve, Beelzebub, Noah, Moses I mean come on! The only cool name was Jesus. It made him sound like a swinging soul singer who walks everywhere in the same purple velvet PJ’s.

• Either God or John the Revelator were regular users of LSD. In all seriousness Revelations seems to be quite an important book. It dictates the future of the world. And you would think that God would take a little time out and try to make things clear to John. Aren’t peoples souls at stake here? Then why on earth write in allegory? I

  t could mean anything. And it isn’t even good allegory. I’ve read better allegory in Enya’s lyrics and that isn’t saying much. God should have lay down the specifics of what was gonna happen. "Right basically lads, this is the POA. I’ll be coming back by an asteroid on the 15th January 2012 at approximately 10:12am.

  Those of you who have not laid a can of ale and a mince pie for me will be sent to hell for all eternity! Let battle commence.

• What is the deal with these believers who put bumper stickers advertising their faith on the back of their motors. Lets follow the logic here. "An atheist/agnostic is driving behind me and once they see my sticker they’ll halt their car on the freeway shout "Holy Goat!" and give themselves to God" Yes that is the most likely outcome isn’t it?

• Churches, aren’t they a bit………useless. I do not profess to being a doctor of theology but aren’t we all meant to be temples of God? Going to church is quite like a snail walking into a hotel and asking for a room for the night.

  Look! You already have a home! It’s on your back mate!

• Christian bands who attempt to break out into the so called secular genres make my skin crawl. Christian Death Metal? Christian Polka? Just do what you are good at doing, making lame ass white man’s folk music.

• I’ve never been particularly attracted to the idea of the Christian Heaven and I get quite irked when people lecture me on how great it is. Why would I want to go there in the first place? I don’t like white or angels or harps. And the chances are that the music up there will suck too.

• God is jealous! Now this is quite a concept. How the hell could someone/thing who is already EVERYTHING be jealous? Humans get jealous because we do not know any better. We do not know everything. We lack. And therefore we crave and eventually envy. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

• What is this born again nonsense about? I was already born once and it was quite horrific for both mother and baby. Are you actually proposing what I think you are proposing? Lets just put it this way, being born once is enough.

• Christian society deems perfectly valid words such as fuck and shit as "swear" words. Well obviously they are not. They are words. You can use ANY word as a swear. Try shouting "PUNT!" at a Mongol and you’ll see what I mean. The swear itself is a seperate action.

  Its to wish ill on someone. So-called swear words have other more Christly applications such as "I have just burnt my fucking toast" or "Oh fuck-a-doodle-doo".

• According to the Scriptures you should love god more than your parents. See this is where Southern Baptists have an advantage over the rest of the world.

  It’s rather difficult to love your trailer trash parents particularly if they beat you with a stick as a child for not being able to say your ABC’s. So if I was one of them I would be able to love God quite a bit more than my elders.

  Since my parents are pretty cool, God never really stood a chance. Unfair or what?

• Now on a similar note. Lets say that Adolf Hitler had children (God forbid) and that through some miracle of nature they turned out with sound, questioning minds. Should the Hitler kids honour their father and mother?

  Its a difficult one isn’t it? If the Hitler kids pretend that they respect their parents they are breaking another commandment - baring false witness. Either way they are in serious trouble.

• Christians rejoice on a Sunday. Sundays are shit. Nuff said. If these people want us to take them seriously they should at least worship on a Friday.

• How can anyone possibly justify righteous anger? This is related to the jealousy point. Why would god be angry at all when IT understands and IS everything. Righteous anger should have no place within Christianity.

• Who is this Holy Ghost character I keep hearing about? Does anyone know anything about it? Is it the spirit who has been stealing my mail and rapping at my door late at night? Damnit I want answers.

• It is fair to say that a lot of Christians believe that their religion is the only true one. Well lets take a trip back in history! Back to the Ancient Greeks. They believed in a number of Gods and once the Greeks disappeared their Gods disappeared. Coincidence? I think not. In 3000 years time the Christian God will have disappeared too. It makes sense y’know? We’ll have a fresh batch of Gods, hopefully halfway believable ones.

• Christians by their very nature are selfish. Let’s put it this way, would Christians follow Christ if there was nothing in it for them in the end of the day? I think not. There is a reward at the end for them. How can you live for god when you are basically living to secure YOUR own fate…

• A lot of Christians have based their belief in God on a disbelief in God. I’m constantly hearing about how I might as well believe in something as I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by accepting Christ into my heart. If thats the case I might as choose something completely outrageous to believe in, rather than boring old Christ! No sale.

So as you can see I have many reasons to hate God. We just don’t get on well together at all. We speak to each other through the ouijaboard at night and we end up quarrelling like a sexually frustrated elderly couple.

If you would like to talk about anything, contact me here.